then comes toothpaste in a shopping carriage.

 

This post comes to you from one of my favorite people in the world–the wise, the beautiful, the best sister and friend imaginable–Ashley Trompeter.  Enjoy….

I’m not going to attempt to convince you that after two years of being married, I’ve mastered the art of marriage.  But—I have learned one thing I truly believe has helped in minimizing our tough days: be willing (and excited!) to change your brand of toothpaste!

(I hope you either just laughed or raised an eyebrow).

Before you think I’m completely crazy, let me explain…

I am blessed to have a husband who enjoys enjoying life together! The laughter and adventures we’ve shared have filled the last few years with more joy than I thought possible. I’m smiling now (and let’s be honest…getting a little choked up) just thinking about how much fun we have together!

Like all marriages, ours too has days and sometimes weeks when we just don’t seem to “click.” Whether it’s because our work schedules are poorly aligned, or one of us isn’t feeling well, there are just days marriage is rough.

Before our wedding day, we completed pre-marital counseling. It was by far the healthiest thing for our marriage, and I highly recommend it! With a few years of marriage under my belt, I look back on those sessions where we discussed marital expectations and healthy compromise and realize the counsel we received was spot-on.  Here’s where I think we, as spouses (and yes, I’m talking to myself here, too), can begin in the development of healthy marital expectations:

 

If we individually go into marriage with pre-calculated ideas of exactly how to live life together, we’re not leaving room for new adventures, traditions, and opportunities for pure fun with our spouse.

Growing up, my mom always bought Colgate toothpaste. I never even glanced at other options in the hygiene aisle until I met Ben (sisters Stacy and Ashley each married men named Ben. haha!), the avid Crest user.

He opened my eyes to shelves upon shelves of other options. Plaque control, nighttime health, fluoride anti-cavity, sensitive and enamel shield, whitening gel, gum protection, invigorating clean mint…the options are nearly endless.

Any hesitation I might have felt tossing my first tube of Crest into a shopping cart has long been overshadowed by how much I’m enjoying a new brand of toothpaste!  As silly as it may sound, I view my small change-of-expectation in toothpaste purchases as a fun, exciting new twist in my life. It took letting go of a twenty-two year old Colgate tradition to allow a new and better one to emerge.

Since I’ve only ever seen my mom buy Colgate while I was growing up, I just assumed she’d always been a Colgate-lover.  She recently told me that she actually grew up using Crest and it wasn’t until she married my dad that she discovered the world of other brands.  Like mother, like daughter!  It’s a silly, unexpected comprise, but the idea behind it can be a life-changer and a marriage-changer because sometimes in marriage it’s the littlest things that drive people crazy:  our natural response to change in our routines, habits, and lifestyle is often combative.  It takes intentionality, but you can become excited about the changes that marriage brings.

Be willing to branch out. Try new sports. Eat new foods that your spouse loves. Use a sponge instead of a dishrag. 

When you find yourself excited about trying simple new things in marriage, the days when you find yourself thinking, “…but that’s not how I’ve always done it” lessen, and your lives together are more enjoyable.

Take it from a girl who, two years later, still gets really excited when purchasing Crest products!

I’ll see you in the hygiene aisle,

Ashley

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8 Responses to first comes love, then comes marriage….

  • Priscilla, Kelsey's mom says:

    While I REALLY want to be married, I REALLY hope I don’t have to change my toothpaste. Just sayin’…

    • Stacy says:

      Just make sure you ask yer fella while you’re dating. Who knows, maybe you’ll like the same kind already. Love at first toothpaste?! ;)

  • Phillip v says:

    You kids are funny, Stephanie and I have our own toothpaste, we did this since day one and never had the “toothpaste fight”

    Ohh and FYI crest is mine and Stephanie has……..crest as well ;)

  • Cassie says:

    Ash, I love it:) so many little things can make such a big difference! Thanks for your post. God bless, miss ya girl!

  • This post totally made me crack up. I still get shocked every time someone tells me that they fought with their spouse over their favorite brand of toothpaste. It’s TOOTHPASTE! Not worth fighting over!!!

    Hubby and I also completed per-marital counseling before we got married and we still use the tools given to us today. It taught us how to communicate properly, and since communication is the number # skill needed for ANY relationship to thrive, particularly for a marriage, It was the greatest thing we ever could’ve done for ourselves.

    Very good advice here. Well done!

    • Stacy says:

      I completely agree with your thoughts on communication, Kaui. Talking and listening…..it’s amazing how difficult they can be! By the grace of God, there are awesome tools out there to help us out.

  • Ben A says:

    I love Crest too! You have to help Stacy abandon her Colgate tradition too. :)

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